bket ganun? parang automatic. kapag napapaisip aku bigla at nasasambit ang mga salitang.. "namimiss..." kadikit na kagad nito ang pangalan mo. "namimiss ko na si (pangalan mo)" "nakakamiss naman si (pangalan mo)". nakaka-asar. bket? xe, unconciously ko to nasasabi. gets? di ko intensyon. kusa lang xa lumalabas sa mga labi ko. bket kaya? un ba ay pahiwatig na ikaw nga talaga ang namimiss ko? na kahit hindi ko na pag-isipan pa eh, un at un din ang mismong lalabas sa bibig ko? pangalan at pangalan mo pren. ang saklap naman. pinilit ko na kalimutan ka na xe nasaktan ako. pero, lumipas ang panahon, at malaki ang pinagbago ko. natuto ako na wag magpaapekto kapag dumaan ka. pinag-aralan kong mabuti kung paano wag lumingon ng dalawang beses kapag nakita kita. pero, ngaun, na sa tingin ko naman ay napatawad na kita sa kasalanan mo sken, namumuo nanaman ang mga damdamin na matagal ko din pilit na pinatay. hindi ko inaasahan na maapektuhan aku ng makita kita isang beses. tulad ng dati. parang walang nagbago. (malaking tulong ata ang pagbabawas ng buhok) kung alam ku lang na magiging ganito ang approach ku sayo, sana pala, hindi ko na hiniling na magbawas ka ng buhok. asar. sana di ka na lang bumalik sa dating itsura mo. haaay.

hindi. mali kayo ng iniisip sken. minahal ko ung tao kahet ano ang itsura niya. nung una, sabi ko sa sarili ko, "aba. may itsura to." pero habang tumatagal, habang nakakasama kita, habang kasama kitang tumatawa, naisip ko na lang ulet, "ay. ang panget pala niya." pero, wala akong pakielam. xe ikaw ang nagpapasaya sken. xe naramdaman ko na special ako. nagkakaintindihan kme na kaya namen mag-usap pero hindi na kme naiintindihan ng mga tao sa paligid nmen. un ang kakaiba smen. walang commitment pero at a certain point, naramdaman ko. maaaring hindi mo aminin pero alam ko na kahit papano, naramdaman mo din un. xe hindi ka aasta ng ganun kung hindi mo naramdaman o gusto man lang un. hindi. mataas ang tingin ko sayo bilang tao. hindi ka ganon ka-baba at mananakit ng iba sa pagpapanggap.

xet. akala ko tapos na ang lahat. akala ko, ayos na. pero hanggang kelan ako mabubuhay sa mga alaala nteng dalawa? hanggang kelan ako makukuntento sa mga pinagsamahan nten? at higit sa lahat, hanggang kelan ko mababanggit ang pangalan mo kapag sinasabi kong... "namimiss ko na...."

(this entry was written on impluse. not really at the peak of my emotions but with a bunch of questions and confusing feelings going in my head.)

Musica: magbalik :: callalily

fullmoon_goddess

wow. last saturday, we, my cousins, had our night swimming. first swimming without our parents and just by ourselves. it was nice. our pictures were placed at my album if you check my gallery.

then last wednesday, we went to laguna with our neighbor's family. we slept there since we got there later in the evening. then yesterday, we decided to go hiking and go to the sampaloc falls and swim there. wow. so much of a suprise that i didnt bring my ever trusted tribu sandals. my pink havaianas were totally bruised. haha. new adventure for her and missed for my black sandals. it was really slippery since it rained early in the morning. i missed the mountaineering though. after three years of no practice, i suddenly crossed two mountains just to get to the damn falls. oh, and we rode a horse to easier climb the mountains. the falls were great! that's my first falls you know. i am part of the mountaineering club in high school but we dont get to go up to falls and something. we just get to go to mountains. so, at least it was worth it. the ride down was such a real pain in the ass literally. my horse was so fast we got down so much ahead of the others which left me feeling brutalized and battered all over. now, my arms are rally feeling heavy and sore that i cant carry anything. i have some nice cuts everywhere which i think is too much. but still, if ever given a chance to go mountaineering again and still come back to that place, i'll go with my sandals but never never with a horse. i'll manage the slippery and muds. at least im not battered and cut. hehehe.

have a blessed holy week.

Mood Swings: sore

i can't remeber the last time you invaded my soulful dreams. my ever blank dreams.

i woke up around 5 am to turn off the lights and went to bed "formally" to sleep. that's when you entered my dreams. when im dead-tired-sleeping. my past was even there. it was like this, we're all in one room (much like a classroom, air conditioned but the chairs are monoblocks) then i went outside cause the cold is getting to me. you followed me outside with the past tagging along. you told me that the past was asking you where am i because the past wanted to talk to me. you looked sad with that fact though, and went back inside. i can't remeber what the past and i talked about but i made it clear and simple and fast. i really cant remember. then i went back inside leaving a sad looking past behind. (i wonder why. it really makes me think) i sat beside you as usual and we were so close. literally sitting close that is. we were so close that our shoulder blades are overlapping. (get the picture?) we were laughing and almost whispering because we're so close (sorry for being redundant) seated next to each other. i think we made a sweet picture in other people's perspective. i like it. yes. i like that picture too. the closeness we have and the fact that i can lean my head on your shoulders/arms easily. . . . . then i just woke up and didnt even forgot the dream like i used to.

*sigh* what's the meaning of this? can somebody sane tell me what that dream is all about and what is it telling me? a dream interpreter please. or just someone who can make sense and open my eyes. i am not thinking about him before i went to sleep. that's for sure. *sigh*

Mood Swings: nostalgic

 MULI

Muling hinahanap 
Ang dating paglingap na mula sa'yo 
Muling umaasa
Sa dating nadaramang laan sa'yo 
Mula ng magwakas, tapusin ang lahat 
Ay naritong nagmamahal pa rin 
Pa'no kaya maibabalik 
Ang damdamin mong dati 
 
'Di ba't ikaw pa 
Unang may nais na tapusin na 
Habang panahon 
Pinilit limutin ka hanggang ngayon 
Mula ng magwakas, tapusin ng lahat 
Hindi maikakailang ikaw pa rin 
Papa'no kaya maibabalik Ang hangaring dati 
 
Refrain: 
Ba't di nagkatagpo 
Bakit tuloy nagkalayo 
Bakit mayro'n pang nadarama 
Gayong hindi na tayong dalawa 
Bakit magwawakas 
Pag-ibig na wagas 
Ma'ri bang mangyari pang 
Ibigin pang...Muli 
 
Kung muling iibigin 
H'wag sanang lisanin nang tulad noon 
Pagluha'y di na kaya 
H'wag na sanang isipin nang tulad gayon 
 
Hanggang sa nagwakas, 
Natapos ang lahat 
Ay naritong nagmamahal pa rin 
Paano pa ba maibabalik 
Ang hangaring dati 
(Ma'ri pa kayang muli....) 
 
REFRAIN: 
Ba't di nagkatagpo 
Bakit tuloy nagkalayo 
Bakit mayro'n pang nadarama 
Gayong hindi na tayong dalawa 
Bakit magwawakas 
Pag-ibig na wagas 
Ma'ri bang mangyari pang 
Ibigin pang...
Muli 
  
Nandito lang ako 
(bago lumayo sa pilling mo) 
Higit kang kailangan kailan man 
(hanggang kailan kaya naman)
Mahal kita (tila) hanap ka (sana) 
(tunay kaya ito) 
Minsan pang bigyan ng daan 
Pag-ibig na sa'yo nakalaan
 
REFRAIN: 
Ba't di nagkatagpo 
Bakit tuloy nagkalayo 
Bakit mayro'n pang nadarama 
Gayong hindi na tayong dalawa 
Bakit magwawakas 
Pag-ibig na wagas 
Ma'ri bang mangyari pang 
Ibigin pang...
Muli 

wala lang. wala lang talaga. *sigh* 

Musica: muli :: gary v. and regine v.
Mood Swings: singing my heart out

fullmoon_goddess

yes. i went to baguio. since ate cynthia is going beause kuya marc has his review there, i tagged along. at least i got out of the house huh? i missed going to baguio. it really changed a lot. hahaha.

good thing the place we stayed were walking distance to session road and burnham park. good deal huh? less cost and excercise as well. we even walked to sm baguio. cool. no aircons because of the terrace! hahahaha. though its not that cold like i remember it used to be. i usually sleep wearing jogging pants draped with thick blankets, but now, i can sleep with my shorts and no blankets at all. geeesh.  but the water is still dead cold. hahaha. good to taste strawberry taho and binatog with milk! hahaha. weird and yet yummy foods! hahaha. this is the most busy summer for me. though im still bored. hahaha.