fullmoon_goddess

LISTENING and TALKING

well, listening is a lot better than talking. im implying this to myself of course. im much more at ease with listening. hell! im a superb listener! i enjoy it. i take compliment at it. i comfort others by doing it. i help them loosen that heavy burden they have inflicted upon themeselves. i gain information and emotions in it. feelings you get not by talking. talking is an emotional release. a thing that i am brave enough to admit that im not good at. i told you, im a closed book. im an introvert and stone cold when it comes to my feelings and other close things that i hold dear and could actually hurt me big time. talking is not my business. listening is. i find it amusing that other people have this bottled up emotions inside them that are only waiting for the right persons to listen to them pour it out. a person just like me. im an open minded when it comes to serious or maybe complicated subjects. though others told me once that im a single-minded-fool. as if i care?! hahaha.

nwei, next time i pour out some long-forgotten ghosts, remind me to shut the fuck up. dont foget to tell me that im not good at talking because the person im directly hitting with my revelations doesnt give a damn and doesnt like to explain his story either. fine. i made my mistake of letting it all out. it wont happen again. i wont allow it. swear. now that i feel better spilling it out, still, a void is there because of the lack of information about the past. though, i'll let that past go and continue living the hell out of my life. yeah. i talk dirty and hard and rude and sarcastic and evrything you wanna say. can you blame me? you deprived me of the information i want to hear. i thought talking my way out of it would bring me the explanations and feelings out of your system. unfortunately, i was mistaken. you read my release, and you shut the fucked up. you banned me for getting what i was hoping for. you shoved me to my bright sky while you stayed with your heavy, gloomy one. fine. that's what you want, so be it. im going to forget this ever happened. though, i cant take back what i already confessed, i feel okay and just let the damn go.

my best friend to told me the tracks of the brains of men before deciding to explain their sides. and under her estimation, it took her about 1-2 years before them having the courage to speak up! that was just so fucking long and i am not patient enough to wait for some guy to clear his head up and finally deciding to explain what the hell he wanted to tell me for the past 3 years. i dont have the time and enough misery and emotions to sit and wait. now is the time, i am ready to listen and appreciate every single word coming from you. every emotions, feeling and hurt i've caused you. if you dont have the time and the guts to do it, then fine. maybe one day, you'll call or text me, asking if you can talk to me and work your way explaining things i wanted to hear NOW. that someday, when you are ready, i think, i just think, im not interested already. and that's too bad. if you want someone to hear you out, then, speak your thoughts out NOW. don't wait for your ego or pride or anything to hold your mouth shut. speak up and if you care for that person, just say what you have to say. dont try to make it soft or worst, dont ever think of lying. that's a damage and you can never clear it out again.

so, my recent entry before this would be the last entry you will read about me talking about something i held dear. about an unclear past. and maybe, a very blurred future. i wont talk about feelings and emotions that doesnt want to be heard. for the past that is. whew! i 'm walking away. isnt that great? after facing it and bearing it all, i have an arrogant smirk painted on my face and start walking away. not running away, but simply walking from the past and towards the people i am going to share my future with.

just like you said, "past is past. wala naman akong magagawa ngaun na masasaktan ka." yeah right. as if being quiet and depriving me of reasons and explanations wouldnt stab me. but i guess you're right, IT DIDNT STAB ME. it helped me realize that talking is not my fashion. listening still is.

Musica: prinsesa :: the teeth

fullmoon_goddess

im a shrink. and yes, im proud of that. i always like being a shrink.. helping other people and lending them my ears and time and heart. but last saturday, i became the patient. jappy became my shrink. i realized that being a patient is hard enough especially if your shrink is a guy. they look like they're not really paying attention to what you're saying and most of the time, they'll distract you. they barely say a word or comment and they won't but in their reactions. i think i won't put it here... hahaha. so, special thanks to juan raphael patolot! jappy!!! hahaha. though you don't look like you really listened that well, i was thrown off my seat when you dropped some comments and realizations you thought was not connected and appropriate. thanks talaga CLOSE! hehehe

who said that only couples can have a movie date?? well, i had plenty of those dates this past months...

i had a mind wracking date with my best friend xie when we watched The Da Vinci Code! and yeah, i was armed with my birth certificate and passport! it just happened that we watched the movie after i got my liscence from LTO. hahaha. nice timing!

i also drooled over hugh jackman while watching X Men:The Last Stand with my date and cousin as well, john paul.

i became more attracted to superman when me and my date, jobs, watched Superman Returns. we also had mouthfull of popcorns there! i really mean MOUTHFULL!!

and the latest, i adored johnny depp and laughed at the way he ran in Pirates Of The Carribean:Dead Man's Chest with of course, abi, my date.

so, who says i need a mutual partener in having a movie date? hahaha!

fullmoon_goddess

this is a late entry...i apologize. i should have posted this before classes formally started.. this happened a week before classes start. anyway, here it is. i was like singing.."pangarap ka na lang ba, o magiging katotohanan pa..." then xie told me that this song is more appropriate...

 beautiful

 my life is brilliant

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She (he) smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, she (he) caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her (him) again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

La la la la la la la la la

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

did you get the story? yeah. that's what REALLY happened. it was kinda late and we were at star city. and just out of nowhere, someone popped and caught my cold eyes. i know it's cheesy. i, myself, still don't like it. what can i do, he just popped at the bump car ride line and then, vavoom! i was okay. i am always okay. but not after that... that is definitely not my usual story. the typical was, i saw you, you saw me, i walk away, you walk away, bye, you're out of my mind! that was my typical story. why like that? first, i don't know you at all and you don't know me too. second, i just saw you a couple of minutes ago though our eyes locked. third, i know, i won't be seeing you again. so, why hope and still linger? make sense huh? as i was saying, this is extra-ordinary. i saw you, you saw me. eyes locked, sealed with some smiles. always kinda passing at each other's way and still smiling and buzzing like our eyes can do the talking. (wow! that's a rhyme! and when i start rhyming, it doesn't do me any good... believe me. that's a warning call or me) but still, i was flooded by what i thought was already dead emotions. they came filling me up again. which is very unusual and alarming. i suddenly felt okay and i was starting to get this hopeless hope. (is there such a word?!) but that's it. a hopeless hope. some facts remained on my mind. it was stucked there! maybe embossed or carved is a better way to say it. i like his smile. oh shucks! there! what a mess! i can list the things i like but still i don't even know his fucking name! just a name!! what a crap.

no. don't start telling me that i was experiencing love at first sight. i'll screw you. no. just don't push those phrases to me. because i dont believe in it! how the hell did you feel that you already love the person you just saw a couple of seconds ago?! i need someone to contradict my beliefs towards this issue.. lighten me up. someone. please.

then, after several months, up to now,  i'm still stucked with mr. beautiful. (i began to call him that because of the song.)  we were scheduled to go back to star city this sunday, and i was having this "hopeless hope" again that i'll have a deja vu. if given a chance, i'll screw my way up. find my own reasons. and live my life the way i wanted it with no regrets.

 i know i'll see you soon mr. beautiful.

very soon... 

Musica: what is love :: larc en ciel