closer you and i

Hey, there’s a look in your eyes
Must be love at first sight
You were just part of a dream
Nothing more so it seemed

But my love couldn’t wait much longer
Just can’t forget the picture of your smile
‘coz everytime I close my eyes
You come alive

[chorus]
The closer I get to touching you
The closer I get to loving you
Give it a time
Just a little more time
We’ll be together
Every little smile
That special smile
The twinkle in your eye
In a little while
Give it a time
Just a little more time
So we can get closer
You and I

Then could I love you more
So much stronger than before
Why does it seem like a dream
So much more so it seems

I guess I found my inspiration
With just one smile, you take my breath away
So hold me close
And say you’ll stay with me now

[repeat chorus]

This was the song I used to sing when I was still learning and understanding unknown feelings for you. The song I used to sing at 5 in the morning before going to school. This song really can describe what I’m feeling. Until, each passing day leaves a mark that obviously became a part of our lives… our past.

I’m not an open person. I’m not used to sharing my feelings. I’m an introvert. I’m stone cold. Yet, I’m still making a difference and amusing and shocking other people by opening a part of my past that I think is not known by everyone.

Yes, whether I like it or not, whether you like it or not or whether we like it or not, you became a part of my past. My first. Boyfriend that is. For practically half a year, I can say that I experienced happiness, mostly cheesy stuffs, and of course, who could forget those infuriating moments? Reminiscing those times makes me laugh and consider the option that it was really cheesy and all. But the hell! They used to say that you’re in love the moment you became cheesy and corny! I can laugh at that! Real hard!

But of course, we had our ups and downs. Our blacks and whites. Our truths and lies. Due to unpredictable flicks of minds and overflowing emotions, we parted ways. My decision became very firm and solid that it almost broke my tough outer barrier. Still, I followed the steps in separating (if that’s what you call it). We lead our own lives and since then I heard nothing from you. I was confused and had my defenses up when you send messages containing one word or even one letter per message. I was pissed off with that kind of approach. After feeling my wrath of anger, >BOOM< you’re gone again.

A relative of mine, and I can say that a friend of your family became my only newscaster about what your feeling or what your mom practically thinks or feels. I know that they are doing that to clear things between two people who had a past. Two people who barely talk and cleared things between them before going away. Two people like us. They kept saying that “uy! Nagpapatankad xa…” sometimes, “nakita ko ung picture mu dun!” or even, “nakkita ko ung mga gmet niya, nakatago pa! mei scroll pa nga eh. Papuntahin ko kaya xa (me) ditto sa bahay para Makita naman niya tong mga gmet ni…” They know your feelings. But they don’t even have a clue about mine. What am I supposed to tell them? Smiling became my defense mechanism towards these stabbing comments. They didn’t know that a part of me feels guilty because I somehow in someway became the reason why you felt down. Why should I? You didn’t even bother to tell me your feelings. You didn’t bother to tell me your reaction. You didn’t bother to tell me that you want me back. No. You disregarded the time and didn’t bother to tell me anything.

Did you know that I was affected? No. Did you know that I endured the slashing comments from your friends? No. Did you know that I had a hard time? No. Did you know that I kept thinking if I made the wrong decision? No. Of course you didn’t know. Because you don’t know my feelings. To put it in simpler words, you don’t know me.

Up to know, no one knew the real score between us. I kept thinking that if you wanted to fix it, why didn’t you just say so? Spill it out to me and make me understand. Show me that I made the wrong decision and make me cry. Tell me that we are willing to change in order for us to work it out. But maybe you don’t want to fix this. You didn’t want to fix us. Because if you did, I would be blogging about our relationship as a couple and not this.

Your friends might say that I am a bitch to break your heart. Know what? I don’t care. They don’t know the whole story and they don’t even know me. You know a part of me that I don’t give a damn about what they think or what they practically say. I’m just good at handling myself and hiding my pain.

Musica: beatiful soul :: jesse mccartney
Screen: asap
Mood Swings: relieved