huh! bzzzz....

i hate this. i hate the gurl. huh! cluless huh? dont ask.

flirt. im sorry. im just annoyed. i honestly dont like her. the first time i saw her, i dont know. i just dont like her. isn't that possible? my gawd! im bad! as in!

well, no one can blame me. i saw it all. from the first attempt. until the present flinging and clinging. eeew. taking time to flirt with matching clinging of one body to the other. i mean, to the BEE.

i named it BEE because one of my friend described him as a BEE when she first saw him. hahaha! and that was funny! seeing him as a BEE. hahahaha!

back to the topic. i still dont like her. and i dont give a damn! f***!

EEEEWWWW! stop na! im getting more and more annoyed!

Bookworm: maidens grave :: jeffery deaver
Screen: metro manila file festival awards night
Mood Swings: annoyed

fullmoon_goddess

whew!

NEED and WANT

IN LOVE and PASSIONATELY IN LOVE

i learned a lot from economics today.

fullmoon_goddess

SALAMAT

salamat tayo'y nagkasamang muli
salamat at may gabing nakalaan sa kaunting kasiyahan

salamat at tayo'y magkasamang muli
salamat at sa pagpawi ng uhaw ay madadating na araw

kay tamis ng ating samahan sa lungkot at kaligayahan
tunay na kaibigan
kasamang maaasahan

salamat at tayo'y may pinagsamahan
salamat tunay kong kaibigan

wooooohhh
kay tamis ng ating samahan sa lungkot at kaligayahan (kaligayahan)
tunay na kaibigan
kasamang maaasahan

salamat at tayo'y may pinagsamahan
salamat tunay kong kaibigan
salamat at tayo'y ma'y pinagsamahan
salamat kaibigang walang kapantay

salamat sayo, kaibigan ko
salamat sayo
salamat sayo

just like the song, thank you very much for the gifts and most specially for your time. you prescence was really appreciated. salamat!   --yang.

Musica: dad snoring
Bookworm: ang paboritong libro ni hudas
Mood Swings: tired but happy

fullmoon_goddess

i dared myself for the past weeks before my grand debut about surrendering. you will notice that i didnt use the word "GIVE UP". i told myself to surrender if he won't attend. that's much of a proof that i don't mean anything to you. that you've taken me for granted. i'm trying to push that on my mind to make it easier for me to surrender.

i waited for you. i endured it all. as in ALL. i know that i can't blame you because it was my choice to wait and STILL want you. i won't be bitter and say that i endured all the pain. yes, the pain was part of it. but to be fair, and to tell the truth, happiness was 3/4 of it.

happiness to be with you. to talk to you. to kill time with you. to listen to you. to study with you. to chat with you. to text with you. to laugh with you. to practice the guitar with you. to learn the tabs with you. to say corny jokes with you. to drink with you. to watch concerts with you. to attend paskuhan with you. to go crazy with you. and everything.

honestly, surrendering is not an easy task. i know deep inside that a part of me still, don't want to surrender. a part of me wanted to wait and hope. i already gave a long time for heart. this time is for brain. brain is going to control me now. to do what i think is right and what i think would bring improvements and beautiful changes in my life. i'll decide who i want to stay and eventually, who i want to go. it's my own life after all.

i don't want you to go. i want you to stay and fit perfectly in my life. for at least... forever. but, you stood me up in my once-in-a-lifetime debut party. which, will never happen again because i'll be eighteen only ONCE. you seemed to decide for yourself and walk out on me. while i, stupidly waiting for you with my ever beautiful gown and everything almost perfect! i'm looking forward in seeing you that day. i wanted to celebrate that night with the people who loves me, and the people whom I LOVE. the first, i think is pretty complete. the next is a big question mark.

i'm moving on. i'll do my very best to move on. to go on happily with my life. now that i turned eighteen, considered as a lady, i know that i can do better than this. that i'll meet more people. and eventually, LIKE many people too. but LOVE is not on my list. LOVE eventually will come on the right time. now is obviously not MY time. not OUR time. or maybe NEVER OUR TIME.

i know that you'll still be wandering inside my head and heart for a long time. huh! of course you will! it seemed as if i can relate every object, place, animals, even people with you. but that's it. i wanted to give time to myself. to allow myself to like other people. to try to find love and allow love to find me. which i wonder, when?

don't worry, i won't make a gap or distance or a big stupid wall between us. i'll just act normally and forget everything. as if nothing happened. as if i did'nt like you. as if you did'nt show sighs that you like me too. as if i DID'NT LOVE YOU. and now, as if i did'nt fall VERY HARD for you.

after going to the heavens, flying, a gun was shot and my wings are wounded. i fell very hard which lead to the crushing of my fragile heart. i should have not allowed myself to fly as high as the others. but i got tempted and wanted to feel what it feels like to be in heaven. now, i know that i belong to the ground. not on the heavens up above. though i would still like to take a tour again there. maybe in the right time. when my my heart is mighty bonded again. when my wings are whole again. and when i find the right person who would take me there and never leave me hanging and not allowing me to fall and crush my heart.

im saying goodbye. no. that's not the word. im surrendering my feelings. my own feelings that never reached you. i wonder if in some ways, you felt it? have you? or are you too stoned? anyway, i'm freeing you. though i never owned you. enough of this. please do remember that you already became a part of my life. a part of me. you inspire me. you shoved the big dark clouds threathening to pour their rain on me. you made me laugh with your ever corniest jokes. and of course, you melted my heart big time!

yes, at last! i learned. the sad part of it, is of course, surrendering. knowing that this is not me speaking but my ever reliable, non-stop, sarcastic, evil brain. my heart is too stupified and shattered into zillion of pieces to talk and to back you up. this is it.  though eventually, we'll all learn how to do and deal with these kinds of situations. i'm just destined to encounter this first. the hardest part.

im surrendering my feelings towards you.

Musica: story of narnia
Bookworm: reviewer in computer
Mood Swings: undescribable

i saw you.

unlike last sem, when i saw you walking down the stairs, my world moved into slow motion. my heart thumpped as if a drum on a ritual tribe. but that was last time.

now is a different story. definitely different. i saw you, and that's it! i saw you. no feelings. no happiness. no beating of the heart. no nothing. i didnt get overexcited and smiled. i just frowned and sighed. just like before, i didnt call you. why would i? why? give me at least one good reason. im starting to shatter and forget everything so why would i bother myself calling you? what should i say? interrogate you and nag about everything? no. of course not. that's not me. not my style.

i'm making improvements. am i? im controlling my feelings and doing my very best to forget and live. i cant say that im happy. that would be a lie. though, im not sad too. that would be another lie. no. im sober. that's it! right! im sober.

today is another chance of seeing you... well, the world would still be turning round and round. MY world would still be having it's ups and downs. to see you or not wouldnt make any difference. i still won't talk to you and i won't call you. it's actually up to you. call me, and i'll smile. talk to me and i'll answer back with a smile. i won't frown. promise.. but expect to receive my cold eyes staring at you. my blade sharp eyes accompanied by my sweetest smiles. oh yes. i can do that. i can blend those things and mix them together without beating an eyelash. i can do that because...

that's my expertise.

Bookworm: ang paboritong libro ni hudas