fullmoon_goddess

*sigh*

im down. dont ask why. ang hirap pala mag-ayus ng debut! paksyet!

naaasar aku... xe the people i least expect na mag-iinarte and magpapakipot ever sa pag-attend ng debut ku eh un pa ang alanganin ngaun.

i admit it. galet talaga aku. though not in the level of "galet" as in "galet na talaga si yang!" i dont show too much emotions. mabilis aku magtampo. at un ang nangyayare ngaun. kilala niu kung cnu kayo... the very least i expected to let me down. damn! and now, we'll see who my "real and true" friends are. khet sobrang hectic and dying na ang schedule, he/she will squeeze it up just to find time to be with me on that special day. not actually a day, but only 4-5 hours. un lang ang hinihingi ko... 4-5 hours! is it that big deal?! huh!

my temperature is rising and my soul is dying. ang hirap din pla. pinakamahirap pren talaga ang UMASA. hindi talaga aku mahilig umasa. honestly speaking. im a self confessed negative thinker! i have a narrow mind on stories, and a really broad and open mind on issues. pero, hindi pren maiiwasan ang umasa. HOPE is the only thing that was left when Pandora opened the stupid box. HOPE is the constant thing in our body. everybody has HOPE. khet feeling mu tlaga eh wala. nandun pren ang HOPE. sana MARLBORO naman. or CAPRI will do. or maybe a DUNHILL? *sigh* stupid.

i was hoping that okei na ang lahat khet papano. naghagilap aku ng guy na pwede ko hatakin at pagsuotin ng formal at pagsayawin ng waltz...ng walang arte at angal at higit sa lahat, WALANG STUPID AND NONSENSE REASONS! fuck it! madalas sinasabi sken ng mga ka-batch ko na officers, "kapag gusto mei paraan, kapag ayaw, madamin dahilan." i really think that this is not applicable at all times. pero sa ngaun, sakto talaga ang line na yan! "KAPAG GUSTO, LAGENG MEI PARAAN! KAPAG AYAW, SUPER DAME AT WALANG KWENTANG DAHILAN!" hahaha! tamaan kaio! nothing personal, hahaha! nothing personal daw...eh ang totoo too personal!

im sorry guys. can you blame me? im at state of shock after some, or maybe many is better, rejections. huh! no one practically would dare blame me. i know my rights and my hearts desires. i live to the fullest and enjoy as much as i could. now, all i really wanted was that 5 hours to be almost perfect. why not perfect? because there's no such thing as perfect. only God is perfect! and now, i dont know if i could still attain that happiness im really looking forward to. i've been really broken and down these past few months. i practically think i DESERVE that night of happiness. dont take it away. im not begging you, im ORDERING you! i could be demanding most of the time! hahahaha!

i said what i wanted to say. tamaan ka tol! ahaha. wag ka mag-alala. okei lang aku. magiging masaya din ako. sa tamang panahon. at alam ko, sa gabing hinihintay ko, magiging maayus ang lahat at magiging masaya aku. magiging masaya din ang mga pupunta don. hindi pa ku nasisiraan para humiling ng kalungkutan at kasiraan mu... kung sino man kaio... kung masaya ka sa naging desisyon mu na isnabin ang effort ko, tanggihan ang mga pagyaya at pagkulet ko, taguan aku, masaya nren aku dahil kahit papanu ay nagdulot din pala aku ng saya sayo.

salamat! ngumiti tayung lahat! nag-iicip ka kung bket "salamat" nuh?? xe, SALAMAT sa ilang taon din na napagsamahan nten. SALAMAT sa mga pangaasar mu sken ganun din sa pagtanggap mu sa pangaasar ko. SALAMAT sa pagsama sken sa maraming bagay. bket aku nagpapasalamat? xe pinag-iiscipan ku na ng mabuti kung dpat ku na ba bitawaan ang mga panahon at pinagsamahan nten. sayang din ang ilang taon, ilang buwan, at cguro, ilang araw na pinagsamahan nten at naging masaya tayo khet papano.

pero dahil dito, naicip ko talaga, SALAMAT SA PAGIGING KAIBIGAN KO.. patunayan mo na mali ang magiging desisyon ko. na mahalaga pren ang pagkakaibigan higit sa kahit anu pa. patunayan mo na importante pren ako bilang kaibigan mo....

nga pla... WANTED: dashing escort!

Musica: charo santos speaking to housemates
Bookworm: bone collector :: jefferey deaver
Screen: pinoy big brother
Mood Swings: asar