fullmoon_goddess

we went to manoag the other day. i thanked God for the health of my family specially for my mom. and of course, my grades! then, after the mass, we went up to Baguio! woohoo! we ate lunch there and bought some stuffs and flowers at the market. sosyalin! lunch and market and flowers lang, baguio pa! hahahaha!  grabe! we were so tired! imagine, going to baguio and not even spending the night there?! suicide! haha.

then yesterday, i was almost sleeping the whole day. i slept in the afternoon. but the weird thing is i always have the weirdest and nicest dream at the same time every afternoon.. i dreamt of "gambit" (let's call HIM that okei? instead of wolverine. haha ) here's the weird part, we were together in the same bus and jeepney.. then he saw, "mr.silver swan" and he called "gambit" an asshole. "mr. silver swan" seemed to be angry or dissaponted on him. and then some wild and crazy traffic enforcer wanted to kill us! with his big and changing sword wile we were at the jeepney! damn! haha. weird nuh? tapus nagcng aku. and then, slept again. going back to my dream, i was at the hospital but i'm allright.  and so is "gambit"

today, was reminisce day. or maybe archive day to be more specific and appropriate. i've been browsing my ym archive messages... and then, i remembered the days, or maybe nights and dawns we spent chatting! di ku alam kung malulungkut ba ku. but i rememberd na hindi aku malulungkot. kaya, i tried to laugh and smile while reading our past conversations.  namiss lang kita... haaaaay. when can i see you again? when...?

Musica: sweet child of mine :: guns and roses
Bookworm: red dragon :: thomas harris
Mood Swings: *kilig kilig*

*sigh*

ang ganda. umpisa pa lang, *sigh* na. hay. im not feeling well. it's not that i'm sick or what. i'm just not feeling well.

natatamad aku. i'm not inspired. that's for sure. i mean, i'm still inspired and happy with the same old "gambit in wolverine's body". it's just that i miss the words "fling", "M.U.", and "crush". hahaha. im blank and bored.

i've been watching the koreanovela "sassy girl chun hyang". that's also one reason why i feel sad. hehe. the scenes got into me. that made me sad. but it also have wacky and kilig scenes. kakatuwa. ang babaw ku talaga. i easily get affected by what i watch. weird.

i'm going to my friends debut tomorrow. yeah. im kinda excited about it. it's not because that capital X is there. That's actually one reason why i dont wanna go. Then I realized that i wanted to go so that to have an idea on what to do on my debut. Yeah X is another reason too. I wanted him to see me and wala lang. hahaha. ang bad ku talaga. forgive me. i'm being called YANG becuz of that.

Bookworm: red dragon :: thomas harris
Screen: sassy girl chun hyang
Mood Swings: blank

lintek! lunes na lunes, di na maganda ang sched... haaaaay. icpin mu ba naman, hanggang 11 lang dapat tapus na class ku... biglang mei computer lab pa ng 1-3! bket di na lang kaya 11-1 nuh? ang unfair eh!

anu ba?

update update about the debut of my friend.. i told you guys! mr. capital x won't come! bwahaha!  gimme my money friends! i know i would win that bet! woohoo! hahaha. im bad. im sorry.

im fucking bored and tired. i dont wanna wait till 1! fuck that!

fullmoon_goddess

strong enough

god i feel like hell tonight

tears of rage i cannot fight

i'd be the last to help you understand

are you strong enough to be my man?

nothing's true and nothing's right

so let me be alone tonight

'coz you can't change the way i am

are you strong enough to be my man?

CHORUS:

lie to me

i promise i'll believe

but please don't leave

i have a face i cannot show

i make the rules up as i go

it's try and love me if you can

are you strong enought to be my man?

when i've shown you that i just don't care

when i'm throwing punches in the air

when i'm broken down and i can't stand

will you be strong enough to be my man?

Bookworm: the bone collector :: john deaver

fullmoon_goddess

this was supposed to be my entry last november 21, 2005. i'm sorry i posted it now. here it goes...

FLASHBACK. FLASHBACK

i was late kanina. okay lang.. and then, before i go home, something unexpected happened. Yeah! i saw "gambit (who was trapped in wolverines body)"!

Ganito talaga un eh, paglabas ku ng computer laboratory, 3:00 un. i was on my way to the comfort room. i was really shocked to see him that it became harder to breath. my heart stopped.

i was blessed to caught a glimpse, half of his "wolverine-like-face". honestly, that was enough. i was already happy. paglabas ko ng cr, i tried to look back in their classroom. nagbabaka-sakali lang naman... and then, whooosh! andun pla xa sa labas together with his classmates. because of his "line-like-eyes", i think he didnt saw me.

i followed them around. yah! like a stupid stalker! not minding the people around me, not giving a fuck! because my world stopped at that very moment i saw him again. now, can you blame me?!

they stopped at BK and smoked. this is the first time i actually saw him smoking. i tried my luck and went to netopia hoping for him to see me if i get pass by in front of him. but too bad, he's still talking to his friends. i dont know if he saw me, but i doubt it! TATAWAGIN AKU NUN! im pretty confident about that...

and then, every once in a while, i am glancing at them. the longer that i stayed there and watch them in a distance, the more pain is entering my body and overlaping my happiness.

i felt the pain that was brought by love. masakit pala. to watch in a DISTANCE. to LOVE in a DISTANCE. i perfectly know that was my chance to talk to him. pero, ewan ko ba. i didnt find the courage to walk up to him. i know that its stupid. i felt contented. kahit na MALAYO.

xe un naman ang totoo eh. kaya nga masakit. what hurts more, is yung feeling na kuntento and masaya na ko in a way na kahit ganun, kahit na malayo, at kahit na masakit. yun ang pinaka-masakit. nagiging kuntento na aku kahet na alam ko na MEI MAGAGAWA PA AKU. pwede ko xa lapitan at kausapin! pero, XET! wala aku nagawa. napako ako sa kinatatayuan ku at walang nagawa kundi ang lumingon at sumulyap.

i stood for about 30 mins. feeling contented ans staring as if ENGRAVING THE EVERY DETAIL OF HIS FACE IN MY STRUGLING HEART... i feel stupid. A MASOCHIST...

there came a time that my heart was really breaking into million pieces because of our situation, that i chose to flag down the jeepney and go home. my mind was flying alright and my eyes are hurting because im stopping all the tears that wanted to fall..

tears of joy? or pain...?

Bookworm: the bone collector :: john deaver